Visuals

This is gonna be a long one. a very long one and not in any order. I've been...... happy these days. Although I've been sick for 3 weeks and got an infection, my life's been pretty good. I can't party or go out a lot cos all my money's been spent on meds but who cares when I can meet up with my friends and spending quality time with my phat ass boy. So it's pretty good except I sometimes throw tantrums and act like a total kid n start to cry lol.

My clubbing outfit for Rebel's last party. had hell a lot of fun with my usual gang.

 

outfit for a date night out. met my phat ass boy and accompany him to look for his shoes but in the end, I was the one who actually shopped. Girls will always be girls.

Fitting room madness at F21. Actually loved this dress but it's too big for me.

Morning coffee with my boy before he went off to station.

middle-parting makes me look super asian and fat lol

Surprise! (not really) my purple hair which lasted for like a week. Purple fades super fast. like really really fast! Try washing ur hair more than 4 times and boom! it's gone! But I really enjoyed that colour for that one week :)

a random pic from Tulipmania date.

while colouring my hair. thanks to my phat ass boy who helped me ^^

Tulipmania date.

My boy surprised me with balloons and flowers! I felt so loved and blessed. ^^ I kinda knew he was gonna do something but didn't know what it was. I was really shocked by the effort he made to find me those lilies and balloons_ my favs things. He really knows how to make me happy again. I love you!

I cut my hair!!!!! like finally!!!!! I always wanted to do it but never had the guts but whenever someone try to play with my hair, I'll feel insecure and start pushing them away cos my hair is really frizzy and damaged. So, I did it! and everyone has good stuffs to say about it! Happy me is happy.

I PRESENT TO YOU....
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ONE FINAL HAIR MAKEOVER!
Step one: Bleached!

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.SUPER BRIGHT PINK HAIR~~~~!

Honestly, I wasnt expecting this but I really love it! The only down thing is people stare! They really stare! I wear a beanie everywhere I go. I think it's less obvious when I'm wearing something on my head. The colour is quite shocking so a lot of people are not a fan of it. but whatevs, I love it.

Prepare to see a lot of camwhore pics with my hair :D I think this colour is my fav and I definitely feel different and cool with this hair which is the whole point of dyeing this kinda colour hahaha

Did I tell you that it's not entirely pink? My love for green colour doesn't stop here. I just had to add a layer of green to my hair.

Decorated my room with these balloons. Since they can't fly anymore, I had to use double-tape to secure them on the wall. Look pretty right?!

 

Life is pretty good except for some mood swings sometimes. I just have to learn how not to be childish and try to understand other people. Even I don't wanna talk to one and only person all the time. People need space and time alone to enjoy the times spent with their loved ones more. I really really need to think about it try to understand more. AND I need to stop bringing up the past. Past is a past for a reason, a lot of reasons in some cases. What's done is done. We can't undo it. Instead of living in the past and bringing it up again and again and feeling the after-pain of it, we need to let it go and forget it. Even if we can't, we shouldnt be talking about it and eventually, we'll forget about it. It isn't worth it to let the people from your past destroy ur present happiness right? 

I'm gna end it here. I'll be back with more pics and stuffs. 

until next time,

<3

The Definition of Perfect

Today, I asked my date "What's your perfect girl like?"
He gave me a very long answer
She....
has to be athletic
gotta have a nice looking body
must be able to drink/smoke
has to be nice looking
the personality must be good and cool
must be girly and sweet enough to be nice to him BUT
bitchy enough not to be nice to others
must get along well with his friends
must work out
etc etc etc etc...

AND I think to myself. I AM NONE OF THOSE and that's NOT the answer I was seeking for.
The answer I wanted was "You, You're my type." Well, dumb me expecting too much from other people again. Not everyone can say the right words that I was expecting and no, I don't blame him. 

Maybe I'm really expecting too much. All I wanted was a guy who thinks he's lucky to have me. (not because I forced him or anything just because that's how much he loves me)

Whenever I was asked what kinda guys I like. I always say "he must have six packs and have tattoos." but that's not how it works.
Your heart wants what it wants NOT what your brain wants. I keep saying I want guys like Channing Tatum, or one of the one direction boys or the guy from vampire diaries but what I really look for is his sweetness, thoughtfulness and smartness. Smart and mature guys who know how to think and how to make a girl feel lucky as if she has the best bf are the sexiest guys on earth. Six packs and tattoos can't do a thing to make me feel secured and loved.
I haven't been in a lot of relationships but good enough that I know what I want in a guy.
The truth is I don't want a hot, muscular guy who only cares about how cool he looks or how many girls are falling for him. I'd rather date a fat (may be not too much) guy who would go an extra mile to make me happy, a humble guy who is happy to be with me and a sweet guy who loves me with his heart.

AND...
it's better not to expect too much from your other half.
because.. you're not perfect either. If your other half cares about you and you have the will to take care of her, then you two are perfect. If you guys interests are similar and if you can relate to each other about what you want in life, you guys are perfect for each other. You might find the "perfect" girl/boy you want, but those are just the superficial things that will keep you going only for like a month? Sincerity and love are what gonna last for a very long time. Sincerity, love and of course, making an effort to show your love to your other half whenever u have the chance.

Good luck.

Visuals

Warning
All photos are not in any order. I just uploaded what I felt like LOL
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Yesterday

Starbucks with awesome peeps yesterday! Thanks for trying to cheer me up my dearsssss! Love u guys to death!

Thursday

Shisha night out with my brossssss

Saturay

OOTD for iron man3 plus clubbing. IM3 was boring (to me) the story line is too common. I appreciate the action parts tho.

Last week

FINALLY, I DYED MY HAIRRRRRRRR. After gathering up all my courage for like a week, I did it!!

Dyeing in progress

Last week

Creepy face and outfit for date night

a random pic of my bun before I go pink and purple (and a little bit of green)

and some proper plus overdue pictures

someone got me this top at New Look. I can't wait to wear it outtttt. It goes so well with my maxi skirt plus it has that vanessa hudgens vibe that I'm going cray these days.

and of course, pictures of my hairrrrrrr.
I have no idea why I look fat in these pics. I swear I'm not that chubby in real life :D

a tragic love (maybe not) story

What will you do when the person you thought you loved and who loved you walk away from you during the hardest time of your life?
Your whole world falls apart not only because of him but because of all the things that's happening in your life right now.
You just announced your relationship to all your friends and all your friends cannot wait to meet him and he just walked away like that? 
Everyone will say "You're so dumb!" "Why would you trust him in a very short time?!" 
Let me just say that we were tgt for three months before I really decided to tell it to everyone. I was happy with him. Like really happy. I felt like finally I found someone who was patient to me, nice to me and caring and he taught me a lot of stuffs. He was my punching bag whenever something comes up. 
BUT I was too childish. I'm trying to work on it but I can't help myself. See, I'm a very very sensitive person. As I liked him more and more, I needed more security. So, I started testing him until a normal couln't stand it. I know, I was too childish. I was blinded. I couldn't think of anything else. 
He treated me like a princess. He treated me right. He was perfect for me and I thought I was perfect for him. I keep thinking while this is all over, I'll go back to normal me and stop testing him. So, I thought he could never leave me.
I WAS WRONG.
Well, you can say "If he's the one, he'll never leave." BUT if the other party is too childish and immature like me, every single guy will run the hell away from me. 
I got mad at stuffs that usually doesn't matter to me. I cried at every little mistake he made. I got mad when he replies me after 5 minutes. I got mad when he replies me 2 seconds later. I was a total jerk. but he put up with me, made me felt like I'm the best.
Now it's easier to see why It's so hard for me now to get over him, right? I was ready to make a change and boom, he left me.
I deactivated my facebook cos I couldn't bare to delete our photos or even look at our photos. I got reminded of how he was perfect and I blew it. 
All the happy memories. I played and replayed them in my mind and two minutes later, I'll find myself crying unable to sleep. I couldn't sleep for 3 days. Couldn't eat and couldn't sleep. I vomited everything I ate and I just can't go to sleep. I'll wake up in the middle of the night and will think of calling him but I could never do it. Then, suddenly, I'll cry myself to sleep or not to sleep. 
When he left me, he didn't say any reason why. I reflect on myself for the first two nights. What did I do wrong? What's the one big mistake that is so big that he left me? Actually it's nothing, it's just the accumulation of all the childish acts I did. He snaps and decided to leave me. Or was he just a good liar that pretended to like me just because he was bored? If so, he's a very good liar. 
It's just very hard to accept that he's not here anymore because he treated me like no other and I didn't get a chance to treat him the same way. I took him for granted. I was the bitch. Now that he's gone, I miss him so much. I couldn't eat a proper meal for 3ays already had 5 hours of sleep in 3days. Most of the time, I'll be crying and talking to my best friend. 
My friends tried to cheer me up but they all gave up. Nonetheless, they're still there for me but they couldn't do anything. Did I mention that I lost a very good bro to him as well? 
I remember I wrote a "Dealing with Breakups" post a while ago. I wish it was that easy. Now, I felt like I didn't know any better during that time. All I know was I wanted to have fun with all the fun new people.
Now, the kinda relationship I want is simple. We'll go shopping together, go watching movies, try new foods, new games, new places together. I'll tell him about my day and listen him talking about his. We'll sometimes cook for each other, give each other massages, cuddle and watch movie together. because our aspects in life are almost the same, we'll laugh about other people who don't have the same view as us. Go to the beach together, gym together and talk about how other people are fat and unhealthy. 
But now, he's having so much fun with his life now. I'm just sad... alone. I don't know how long will it take to completely recover from this. It kinda hurts to see that one person who claimed who loved you is having the time of his life without you. 
From every single relationship I had, I learned at least one lesson. I felt like I became a better person after each relationship. I wish I'm a heartless person. I wish I never existed. My mom wished I never existed. So yeah, all the important people in my life left me. 
I left my dad once but he never gave up on me. That's the only thing which keeps me from killing myself. Although we barely talk, he told me he'd try his best to do everything he can for me tho I left him and blamed him for breaking our family apart. At the end of the day, he was the only one who still wants me and makes me feel needed. I'm grateful for that. All my life, family always came second. "I" always came first because I'm that selfish. My dad proved me I was wrong. 
I hope I'll be happier tomorrow.

Before the sun rises

Lost in everything. Clouded with the definition of "perfect" that people always say. I don't know what I want. Right now, I'd like to study Parkinson's disease and stop reading everything else.

I wish I hadn't watched Grey's anatomy because I don't think I'll ever find a new favorite show. I wanna watch it all over again. But then again, I thought about CSI in exactly the same way. Now I hardly watch it.

Best things in life are those that come by surprises. I would say so. I'm a sucker for surprises after all.

I wonder what are exams for. Why am I studying the stuffs that I don't even like? What am I trying to prove? What if I can go to a nice medical school outside of singapore? How does those things will make me happy when I can't even enjoy myself? It's been a while since I met my friends since I partied hard since I see my clique happily going out since I went dancing without worrying about how I won't be able to study if I become too tired since I went to the gym and going around talking to people and laughing with them since I stayed up all night just to play poker and talk craps with my friends since I go on a date all night, talking craps while waiting for the sun to rise just because we have time? Now, I'm doubting will I ever be truly happy if I have to study study and study and have no social life at all ESP in medical school.

I hate myself for thinking too much.

And.... I can't handle peer pressure..

Self photography

Inspired by a very hot girl to do this. Lol. I'm not as hot as her or hot at all for that matter but I have makeup. LOL!
Self-photography is really a nice way to spice up lonely and dull nights.

Grumpy cat is grumpy.

My next hair colour :D