Christmas and feelings

I'm honestly not looking forward to Christmas and New year this year. Probably because it just reminds me that I'm alone and by alone, I don't mean being single. I meant I'm not with my family. So yeahhhh :(
I've been working a lot lately to get some unwanted stuffs out of my mind. Planning on photoshoots I want to do so badly. Thanks to stupid rain, all my plans are ruined.

Pre-diabetic thing is really starting to annoy me. In case u don't know, I'm diagnosed with pre diabetes. It's not diabetes yet but eventually, it'll turn to diabetes. It's going to be tough but I'm prepared to give it my best shot to survive as long as possible :)
Now, the problem is I have to document every single meal and have to exercise at least 4 days a week. There's a set of exercises I should follow but I was born with defects_ I have tachycardia. So, I can't do any vigorous exercises. I can't run or jog. So, I only dance like 2days a week which is apparently not enough. My doctor suggested getting a personal trainer but I'm too lazy :( The meal thing is also a problem. I had to cut down on everything. I have a super sweet tooth but now even when I buy my fav koi ice-cream milk tea, I have to choose 50% sugar instead of 100%. No smoking and no drinking is fine because I strongly detest cigarettes and alcohol. I already knew it's not gna be an easy battle but now laziness is winning.
the most exciting and fun thing that happened during this month is I WENT TO RWS AQUARIUM! It's the newly opened one in singapore and it's supposedly the biggest in the whole world! It was fun with all my classmates who I love. We really enjoyed our time there. I was hoping to see big fat sharks but only saw the small ones. and I discovered my love for starfish or seastars. They're so cute!!!! and their life cycle is interesting! Do u know that they reproduce by splitting in half? I bet u didn't! and the friendly staffs there let me touch a starfish omg! it's soft and hard at the same time. kinda weird but I love it!

 I think this looks like a painting. I can't help but captured it until I get the best shot. This is probably not the best but i think it look kinda artistic? hahaa

 My friends kept saying they wanna eat all those fish hahahahaa I think they're so cute and I don't eat fish anyway.

It was really fun and we spent the whole day there, in sentosa! Best place for a mini getaway from crowded small singapore flooded with people who're rushing to their fav stores to shop or the best restaurants. the only bad thing is everything in sentosa is expensive.

and for my recent loots,
I got.....

this topshop bohochic looking dress from a warehouse sale. I bought it from a blogger/model Eunice Annabel. She's super gorgeous just like in her photos. Looks great in every angle! Anyway, that dress is brand new and it's only 20$! :O such a steal! as soon as i saw the butterfly print, I knew I had to get it haha

I also got these two pullovers from styleraiders which is a facebook page. I got all my hairdyes from there also. Really reliable and efficient in replying emails. I ranked them A! haha
You might think I'm crazy when I say I got those because I was inspired by Gdragon and CL (two of my fav artists in the whole world) GD was wearing a black one. I got red to show my X'mas spirit :D
2nd one makes me look fat. :D it's Jeremy Scotts inspired. I wanted the real one but it's 200$+ so I didn't wanna spend so much on a shirt. It's my parents' money after all T_T

and I also got this crochet dress from thewhatisdrop.com. I doubt if I'll ever purchase anything from them again. They take 2 days to reply each mail and I ordered two but they only put one in the first mail. It took another 6 or 7 days to receive my 2nd order which I already paid for 2 weeks ago. Really inefficient service. "C"!

This is ONLY christmas present that the-foreveralone me received this year. I'm really thankful tho! better than nothing right?
I really wanted to go out with someone and do nothing but just walk around, talk, eat or watch movie and drink hot choco while getting all cozy up on Christmas. I thought I was gna be alone but I found a friend who agreed to go out with me! yay! We watched Jack Reacher (or rather tricked into watching it cos I wanted to watch CZ12) with a guy friend. It was my first time meeting him outside club! hahaa but it was kinda nice :) I felt kinda sorry for him cos it was a bit awkward and I didn't really know what to talk about. He looked really bored lol hope we can go out again soon! It's always good to have new friends right? Especially nice to have guy friends cos at least they don't greet u with "hey u look fatter" lol
wore this for dinner but I found it too girly. So I changed into something edgy n scary lol

 update on my hair condition: the ends are officially dead. I had to tie or add some treatments to my hair every time I go sleep. It now it'll become super frizzy like that! I had to curl it before I went out. So time-consuming!

 ending this with my faces (as usual) I love myself too much I can't deny it hahaha

until next time....

Dealing with breakups

It's been 2 months and 4 days since my break up with my very first serious bf. I gotta say I'm pretty happy now. May be not 100% but still, I just gotta make the best out of what I have right? and of course, it's not easy. I had to go through a lot of steps to achieve the happiness I have right now. I guess everything happens for a reason.
Before I go through what I did to get through the break up, I'd like to say a few things that I did wrong

I was furious when I found out my ex already found a girl 4 or 5 days after we broke up.

 I was so angry until I started making death threats. LOL. Now I look back at it and think, why the fuck am I so childish and immature?! So what if he pretended like he didn't see me when he was out with his new gf? I mean he has all the right to do so since we're not together anymore. If I'm with a hot guy and see him, I'll also pretend like I don't. I put myself into his shoes and realized how selfish I am. Although it was wrong to act disgustingly lovey dovey with ur new gf in front of ur ex, I guess that one's my fault. Why? when our mutual friends see it, they won't see how he acted, they'll only see how I blew up like a bomb claiming to burn down his house :D It made me look really childish in front of my friends.

while I'm on the topic, I'd like to share one thing. If your friend is going through a break up, never ever ever say things like "u don't deserve someone like him/her." "get over that bitch/bastard already!" or butt in their problems at all! One of his friends did it and it was completely annoying. To him, he's just speaking up for his friend. To me, it's like "wtf do u know about our relationship?! stop butting in!" And if my friends say something, I think it'll be the same for my ex. One more person to hate on/bitch on is the last thing  u want during a break up right?

I blew up even more after he blocked me everywhere. I guess everyone will be angry if they were me. Well, his new gf want me out, so he did cut me out. I think it was for the best for me too. I was too childish that whenever he posts happy things on his facebook, I get angry. People say if ur loved one is happy, you'll be happy too. I guess I don't love him that much :D It hurt my ego and pride more that he got a new gf before me. It was too heartbreaking. I was always called the cuter one in the relationship and he got laid before me? I simply couldn't let that happen.

It's perfectly normal to feel super insecured after a breakup. 

Luckily, for me, I saw his new gf for the first time and I actually got more confident and happier. LOL. why? I don't wanna sound like a superficial bimbo but damn she fat! and ugly! I guess I'm pure evil. Well, I'm thankful for her too. For being so below average that her being my ex's gf actually makes me happier. HAHHAHAA judge me I don't care!

Give time for proper grieving but have a limit.

For the first few days, I felt like I've lost everything. So, I told myself. I'm gonna be sad for a week but after that I'll be stronger. Surprisingly, I cried every night for a week for no reason and exactly after a week, I just stopped and got happier. It was during my dance competition. So, I was insanely busy for that. After a week of acting like a complete idiot, I had no time to even think about it anymore. I was simply too tired and came to a realization that it wasn't worth it.

Go out and have fun.

I was partying almost every week. My clubbing buddies were there for me everytime I wanna hit a club. It's not only because of the break up. I've always loved partying. Just because I was in a serious relationship, I felt a bit guilty. but no, I've never made out with anyone or went home with any guys before. Just partying itself made me felt guilty. After the break up, I was a free cat :D
Some of my friends were there for me too. I honestly did expect some people to be there but they're too busy with their lives. Even if they're not there, so what? I went out with everyone and anyone. I asked people around to have lunch/dinner with me or study with me. I was never lonely once I stepped out of my house. I made a lot of new friends and I really clicked with some of them. I'm thankful for that too. and of course, the people who were really there for me esp: my "mommy" from my class. She took me out shopping, to the beach, bought me cupcakes, potatos, ice-cream, slippers LOL everything. I'm so grateful!

Exercise or do some physical activity.

For me, it was dancing. Because of my health conditions, I can't run or do any cardio but I'm able to dance. I'm not a very good one but better than average people, IMO :D I spent most of my days dancing and thinking and worrying about the choreo. It took my mind off a lot of things that I didn't want to think about.

Everyone has a way of dealing with those kinda stuffs. They're very personal and intimate issues but writing them out makes me feel good! So that's what I'm doing right now. The only concern I had was I was scared to be irritating to many people because I was always asking them to meet me and yeah, til now, I do get lonely.... but u know what, life goes on. I always find stuffs to do like blogging craps, watching shows and studying and talking to my best friend. AND the ultimate stress-reliever and the untwister of the loneliness to happiness__ listening to other people's problems. It always makes me feel better esp: when that person is someone I hate. I know I'm no saint. As for my ex, to hell with him! I really hope his gf will get fatter fatter fatter and uglier and he, too, be fatter, uglier and never succeed in life!  He'd probably wishing that for me too, given the fact that he blocked me everywhere.
Well, life is now a lot better when I don't have someone holding me back when I'm having fun, flirting, having a crush on some hot guys with six packs and tattoos and stuffs. I even got rid of the duplicate of his house keys and all the plans and drugs to revenge him/ I actually planned something which was pure genius but got rid of everything because I didn't wanna live in this shadow anymore. Instead, I thanked him for leaving me. He showed me that I deserved more. Now I'm more confident, all thanks to him and his new gf. Thank you Thank you. I thank all my friends who were there for me. I promise I'll return the favor by 10 times and lastly, I thank myself for being so strong. I was able to take in all the stress and depression from dance competition, presentation, final exams and that breakup at the same time. Thank you Thank you.

So, I'm a final year student O.o

yes, u read that right.
I'm a 19yr old final yr student!!!!!!
Dunno whether to be proud or sad because
1. most of the girls at my age are still having fun at poly with little girls dramas and stuffs
2. I'm in final yr means I'm gonna have to start being serious because I'll BE WORKING IN ONE YEAR! (scariest part)
3. a ton of projects (individual ones as well as group projects) and oral exams
4. because of presentations, I might have to give up my rainbow hair. (cos attire will be also marked)
5. I already gave up partying every week :(
and I don't think I proved myself enough. The workload is crazy now. During the very first week itself, I've already got two project titles. Everything seems like new to me. Suddenly the words become so big and powerful. Tons of research papers to read and make notes of. How irritating!
I may not be the best/most hardworking student ever but my grades are almost always around A. Although I don't study much, I always tried to pay 100% attention in class. In that way, I sorta have the general idea of the topic.
Science is difficult. Now I finally understand why all the nerdiest kids in my high school chose science. because it's difficult!!! I should have chosen something like cosmetics and perfume related thingy. Regrets. but not point having it now because i'm in frigging final year! 
                                              *randomly inserts a picture of self LOL*

Yesterday was 12/12/12. I think everyone is aware of that because of all the stupid posts on twitter and facebook. lol. Two of my friends got married and one was engaged yesterday. It made me realize that I'm finally living in an adulthood. My classmates are all grownups. So are most of my friends. And what do I do? I just sit around in my room watching Hannah Montana (don't judge me), reading twilight or hunger games, drink my yakult and just lie on my bed upside down -.-
Compared to all the grownup things that people are doing like working part time, actually doing research and debating with lectures, having actual jobs or doing something they really love, i'm doing nothing at all.
Hannah Montana, Hunter x hunter and those stupid books are not gonna change my life. Silently stalking famous people and admiring them is not gonna help with anything at all! I feel bad that I have no motivation. I just study not because I want to but because I have to. I get my As or Bs and I'm happy enough. Not even thinking about my future or anything. I chose my specialization as Medical Biochemistry just because I think it's easy. I chose something related to cardiovascular pathology as my presentation and research topic just because I didn't bother to read the names of other topics. See my point? I really need motivation. I used to get it from watching CSIs, talking to my mom and stuffs but now I don't even bother anymore. I only go to school to see my friends not more than that. It's like I'm not happy with my life. I'm ok to do just about anything from sitting around orchard road listening to an old indonesian lady sings while drinking my melted icecream to going to club at 2am just because I feel like it.
I want to go against everything. I want to dye my hair a funny colour, get into a fight, beat up people, smoke weed and anything. This is THE time to go crazy but I'm doing my grownup thing_ balancing studying, having fun and working. I should have known from the time that I refused to go JC/poly and tried to go to uni directly. I actually brought myself to this.
No point doing anything or regretting now. Guess my rebellion stage was over. Everyone will go through that stage. The only thing is how bad is it and when will it stop. I'll just choose to see it as I got mature with more mature people around me. It was cool to be a rebel though. hahaa

Anddddd..... of course my pictures and outfits and stuffs... LOLOL

Got this top from F21 and LOVING it!why? the cutouts, oversize, UK flag, and tiger! everything is to die for!
No face because my face was damn bloated :D

 my clubbing outfit. yes, it's a clubbing outfit. lol. I was planning to dance like a mad girl that's why I was wearing shorts and dance shoes :D and the leather jacket is to make me look scary? hahaa

Finally wore this out. I was meeting my Russian friend hahaha We're hardcore 2NE1 and GD lovers so we get along very well!
*randomly promoting a friend* She acted in this MV. please click here and watch this video  :D the video has nothing to do with me though. I just found it well-edited and very sad.
and finally, *drum rolls*  I FINALLY GOT MY ONE OF A KIND HOODIE!!!!! After one painful month, I finally got it! It's perfect for rainy days! :D I'm in love.

That's about it for now. I will definitely try to update more with more fashion stuffs. I need a photographer seriously. I can only take photos in my room so there's no way I can post my full stupid outfits on my blog. *cries a little* and I've been buying a lot of clothes lately. I can't wait to make a big deal out of what I wear everyday! LOLOL That's how much I love and how much I'm obsessed with myself! :D
Oh and, I just sent my portfolio (not photography, modelling) to two blogshops. I don't think they'll want me because my face is not typical blogshop model face LOL but I sent them anyway because I wanna test my luck and I have no idea what is the expected rates. I googled but nothing came up. So I just wrote 30$ per hr :D
I really hope I survive 21/12/12 LOL

OOTD stuffs and 2NE1 new evolution tour in Singapore!

I'm typing this as a free cat because EXAMS ARE OVER! Finally, I (as usual) procrastinated my ass off. So, those weren't the best papers I had but I'm just glad it's over! I was REALLY REALLY lazy during study week. All I did was watch movies -.- and study a bit. As much as I hate exams, I LOVE celebrating after exams!!!! THAT'S THE BEST PART ABOUT EXAMS! LOL
Immediately after exams, I rushed to the airport to send my friends off. AND WE HAD SUSHI!!!! It was mad delicious! I ate like a pig LOL
LOOK AT THE AMOUNT OF SUSHI WE ATE! None of us had lunch before exam because all were pretty stressed out. Pharmacology kills. :/

                                                   It was lunch + dinner for all of us!
Went to zirca after that to celebrate with my juniors! If u know me, u'll know that I've been going to zirca every single Saturday since I turned 18 LOL but I didn't go there for ONE WHOLE MONTH because of exams. I'm a big fan of zirca/rebel! Partying there makes me feel like I'm at home again LOL No photos because I was.. well... dancing like a mad person =D I also like to go to Attica although my confidence shrinks every time I go there. why? because 90% of the people in Attica are Caucasians. They're being so tall and gorgeous. It makes me feel so short and ugly :( If u're Asian and planning go party at Attica, BEWARE! Your confidence will go down to hell. LOL but for guys, there's a treat because they always have female super model DJs with HUGE boobs like Angie Vu Ha (google if you don't know her) who wear super skimpy outfits while spinning.
and my OOTDs during exam and study week. I must say this. I don't know why. I always dress up more for exams. It makes me feel prettier and thus, more confident. So why not? :D

                                            

                                                 The tiger head makes me look fat -.-

                                                       the sweater dress is super cozyyyy

Wore this leggings on the last day. it was a bit weird cos the print is so vibrant and everyone was looking. Some says it looks funny/weird, some says it's nice. Actually, I don't know. I just fell in love with the cosmic print and it was on sale on runwaybandits.com. So, I thought why not. People should be more experimental with their fashion especially in Singapore. A lot of girls tend to play it safe and what's worse is they're ready to judge if someone tries to stand out which is a horrible thing for experimental people like me T.T
and lately, I've been taking EOTDs (eye of the day) and post them on instagram. and I'll post them here again...

 This one in particular is just one of my experiments. I LOVE rainbows. I have rainbow hair, clothing stuffs and I just thought why not put it on my eyes :D It turned out not bad!

                                             and of course, my face.....

I know. I know. I tend to use brown eyeshadow everyday. but hey, those makeups are for school. They're supposed to be neutral! I play around with my eyeliner shape though :D

AND the highlight of this post,  
2NE1 NEW EVOLUTION TOUR IN SINGAPORE!!!
Since this is the last stop, the girls got emotional and I, too, got emotional because I've been watching them for 3 years. Following their fashion, dance, and even hair. LOL. My first dipdye was inspired by CL!
It was really once-in-a-lifetime thing. I was really excited for this and this is what drove me during my exam days
those who couldn't be there. Enjoy the picturesssss...

                                     opening of the stage. Blackjacks were crazy!

                                                              girls introducing themselves

                                                   Bom's solo. She is such a goddesss!

                        CL was a freaking DJ! She did such an awesome job! I could totally feel her energy through her performance. AND SHE PLAYED DADA LIFE which was DOPEEEEEEEE

                Bom's legsssssss. proof that in album jacket photos, her legs were NOT photoshopped!

                                                    CL and Minzy's "Please Don't Go"

                                                 Look at Bom's position! SO CUTEEEE!

                                                    Look at how close I was to them!

                                                             LOL at Bom and Minzy

                                                                       Finale

                                                 CL was on THE POLE! Sexy stuffs ;)

We got two encores! the first time, we chanted "encore" so the girls came out and perform one more song. After that we chanted "Please Don't Go" which was planned by SGBlackjacks two months ago! was lucky to be a part of it! I believed I expressed half of my love for 2NE1 :D
Most of the Kpop fans rather go for SNSD but I'm all for 2NE1. They're really charismatic and fierce which is the most thing I love about them and their fashion is like WOWWWW very unique and cool. They're just cool. I have no other words to describe..... I love them
and of course, my outfit..

                                                                  no face

                                                                half of my face

                                                              full face :D
I wore those skeleton leggings because CL was wearing them in their "I'm the Best" dance practice video and I fell in love with it! It wasn't only me whose fashion was inspired by 2NE1. 2/3 of the girls were dressing like 2NE1 too. Lots of colours, funky prints, random patterns, adidas shirts/hoodies, winged colourful shoes designed by Jeremy Scott, colourful leggings, hair and I even saw a girl with half shaved hair like Dara!
The only thing different from any other Kpop concert was there was a whole group of Caucasians!
and... they're all........ GUYS! They're all dancing and singing along to 2NE1. It was crazy!
Dara was crying like a kid and I also cried because I was too overwhelmed by their presence and blackjacks' chants and the environment I guess. People around me were crying too. True blackjacks <3
That's about it for now. I can't wait to have a life again instead of just studying..... all......the.......freaking.......time!
Until the next entry.......